Fun with Hair, or Why I Let My Daughter Shave Her Head

I didn't want to do it. What kind of mother would I be if I let my daughter willingly take on the ultimate hair challenge, the partially shaved head, at the tender age of 8.
I remember those awful months, when I tried to grow out the classic bad ass under shave so popular in the 90's. I don't regret my decision at all, of course, but remember those months of the uneven hair, not willing to cut it all to even it out, but she was adamant. She wanted  her hair shaved. Her inspiration, yet another reason for my resisting the idea, Avril Lavign.

My daughter and I do not entirely share the same musical sensibilities, and so a hair cut inspired by this artist was not high on my list.
The more she asked for it, the more I resisted. But with every adorable miming of the act, after having been asked to please stop freaking asking, I started to wonder why I was saying no.
Was it just because I don't like Avril lavign, because that would be stupid. Was it because I thought she was too young to shave her head? No, her brother was offered a mohawk at 7. And then it hit me. It was, at least in some part of my brain, because she was a SHE!
We are all guilty of it, however subtly. Even me, a woman who has shaved her entire head for the hell of it, who has pierced her tongue because why the hell not? Yup. Even me. As far as reasons go, it wasn't good enough. So
Of course, I was and am still worried about the day when she tires of the style and decides to grow it out, but that's a lesson in consequences, I guess.
Here's why I said yes and, as friend and mother,after a half hour conversation about the consequences of a shaved head,  took those clipper in hand.
I remember the feeling I had when I shaved my head. It was a feeling of freedom. Of being equal. And I don't want my daughter to ever NOT feel equal. I never want to say to her " No, you cant do that because you're a girl". So we shaved her head.

 an outfit of her own design. 

And she freaking loves it.
Then last night I realized another reason I did it. Being a proud momma, and I am proud of her, she is so brave, so fearless, I wanted to share her bravery with friends.
As a mom I have a wide variety of friends and some are of another school of thought. There response was one of judgment, " She'll regret that when people say things about it, she'll be bullied" " But she's a little girl"
My kids are lucky. Since we homeschool we spend most of our time with open minded, accepting people. People who appreciate a child's time to experiment with life, and with their hair. They don't really have to worry about being bullied.
I want my children to open minded, to be accepting, and be be comfortable in their own skin regardless of what other people think about it. A wise man, Simon Pegg to be exact, once said " Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection". I want to live in a world where people don't have to worry that their hair style will get them bullied, or where people would wish that on them to teach them some lesson in fitting in. So I am glad I shaved her head for her, and I hope she is never afraid to be who she is. 

Stan Lee's Comikazee 2012, and my first Cosplay!

Le Sigh, a brief moment in which to sit and write.

This past weekend marked two rather wonderful events. Firstly, Saturday my son and I attended Stan Lee's Comikazee for the second year. This year, however, we did it in true geek style.In my first ever cosplay in public I strapped on my Han Solo holster and embodied the scruffy nerf herder while my own geek spawn straightened his tie and readied his sonic screwdriver as the tenth incarnation of Dr. Who.

When we arrived it was immediately evident that this was a much bigger deal this year, and with guests like Mark Hamill, Kevin Smith, Felicia Day and the cast of The Guild how could it not be.  Since this weekend there has been a lot of whine buzz over how things were handled, but my own experience was stellar.

We waited in line with friends and enjoyed the Cosplay all around, bouncing in and out of line to take pics with our favorites. 

With the Tardis front and center we made a Who stop photo opp and took many pictures of the many doctors.  The Expo this year was easily twice the size and twice as full, but the crowds didn't do much to dampen our enthusiasm. Top three things on my list for the day; attempt a pic with Mark Hamill...I was dressed as Han after all, and few photos would be more epic,  Visit friends and one of my favorite artists Mr. Angus Oblong, and attempt to meet and thank Felicia Day for being awesome.

We strolled the halls and spied a bat man, a hulk and a cat women, all out of character and still wonderfully awesome.

The new art at every turn had me wishing I had saved more pennies!  While I didn't get my photo opp with Mr. Hamill, I did get to lay eyes on him during the panel for the new movie Sushi Girls, which for me is pretty much just as good. Provided I keep off the diet coke, I will have that moment to cherish always.

Angus Oblong was in the house and I scored another print and had a lovely little chat with him.  I now have a lovely family skeleton portrait to don my walls.

After hearing how much everyone was charging for photo opps and autographs I became a bit sad that I would likely not get a chance to meet Felicia Day, however we ventured back to The Guild table later in the day and almost the entire cast was there ( Sandeep was not there) , and I could get pics with them for free!! I shook their hands and told them they were awesome ( which they totally were/are), as is my custom when meeting people I admire , and then I came to Felicia.

It was about half a second after I took her hand that I realized she was not only not into the hand shakes, but not into touching at all. As a bit of a germ freak, I totally understood and immediately felt awful for being that pushy fan. Since I was already falling over my tongue trying to explain how awesome she was to her, I didn't get a chance to apologies. So, Felicia Day, if you read this, I am really sorry I made you touch me. No irony, no joke, totally sorry.

Also, I totally need to give a shout out to Dot Com.  As we passed his booth I jokingly fake photo bombed someone getting a picture with him.  He turned his massive form " You better not photo bomb me"

" oh no, sir, I wouldn't do that"

Next thing I know he was shaking MY hand and asking my name and being just about one of the coolest people ever. I told him I enjoyed his work and looked forward to seeing more of him and he said " Nice to meet you, Tabitha" !!! It was pretty freaking awesome.  The day rounded out with an adorable game of Quiddich, a glance in my direction from the Mistress of Darkness herself, Elvira, the droids we were looking for and about a million more Doctor who photos.

Meanwhile, while I was busy geeking out to the extreme, my husband had taken our little girl to a local tattoo place to get her ears pierced....we weren't trusting some 17 year old with a gun with our little girls ears. Or, I guess I should say, ear since it turns out the initial shock and adrenalin rush from piercing the first one has put her off doing the second one. So, for now anyway, she is rocking the piratical single earring look.

More geek fun to come this weekend as my husband and I face off against challenging ingredients and our fellow Dumbledor's Army brethren in Wizards Chef! Lastly, don't be fergetting this day be talk like a pyrate day.

From one frustrated human to another.

Watching a series on History channel last night with my husband about the geological history of our planet...yes, I watch these for fun.  Since I rarely can do one thing at a time I was catching up on BBC news reports at the same time.  We get to the episode about Asteroids and commits falling to earth and they are talking about in pact craters and dust clouds and I start to think, While there is nothing one can do about a collision with an Earth sized object there IS a lot we can do about NOT blowing our selves to smithereens .

So, with all these thoughts mulling around in my brain I sat down to write this, an open letter to those feeling the need to attack our embassys and putting the innocent in danger. While it is addressed to them specifically, I think the tone and main idea could apply to all religious zealots...

Dearest Extremists,

What the Fuck?!? Do you not understand the morals of your own religion? Are you not aware that in the vast cosmos of the ( possibly) infinite there are far bigger issues than your offense?

I know, what does an atheist like me know about your offense? Well, allow me to enlighten you.  I have read your stories, along with the countless other stories of the world's religions on my own search for the truth.  What I found did, indeed, lay in the heavens.

This is my truth, and I feel it is the actual truth. We are here because rocks falling from space, coated in amino acids and the building blocks of life hit our planet at just the right time in its history, with just the right conditions for those blocks to assemble into the first signs of what would become the life on earth we now have all around us. That's it, that's the big answer.

You wonder how I can understand your offense? You quibble over stories long since proved false, you close your eyes to the truth many brilliant minds have sought out for you and you kill in the name of ancient tales.  Because of your small minds children are put at risk worldwide.

I am offended by all of you who think that your morals and your faith supersedes that facts of the physical world and that you feel the need to taint your children with your ideology and your totally lack of respect for the scientific truth of the world. As a human I am offended that in an age of reason and knowledge you choose ignorance.

I am offended, but I will not kill you for that offense, I will not force my ideas on your children no matter how much it offends me that you cast their minds into the darkness of old thinking, I will not limit your ability to pray to your god, to cover your woman or to hold your holy days.

I am not my government, as those in our embassies are not either. Those of you who recently rose up against your own leader should understand this, that not all of us are represented by one person.

If your faith means so much to you why do you not practice it as your prophet would have you? Do you not think he would be more offended by your violent actions that by a portrayal of him? From what I have studied he spoke quite highly of peace.

People are different, they will always be different and we must accept this if we hope to share this planet in peace. Let us be offended in peace. Let us post frustrated words on the internet to voice our feelings in peace. Let us espouse our feelings in blogs and leave innocent humans who have done nothing to us in PEACE. Let us be rubber, and not glue.

Be humble for you are made of Earth. Be noble for you are made of stars.

                                                                        --Syrian Proverb

And then the skies were empty.

I was sleeping when the phone rang. Annoyed at the call I answered as such
" What?"
It was my husband.
" turn on the t.v. "
" why am I turning on the t.v"
" Just do it," So I did. the tower shown in the summer blue sky as smoke poured out.  A plane had hit the tower. The pilot was probably drunk, we joked, how could he not see a building that tall. Wait, there's another... I had no words. We sat in stunned silence as we watched the second tower collide with the buildings, buildings that only a year before had marked for us our arrival on the East coast.  Was there some crazed person in charge at the air traffic control office that day. We still didn't know. Then the report came in about the plane hitting the pentagon. This was an attack. Someone was flying plans into things ON PURPOSE!
" Come home, now"
But he wouldn't, and I had to work. It was all the way in New York, he said, nothings going to happen here.
So I dressed, in black for the loss of life happening so far away about which I could do nothing BUT dress in black, my John Lennon tshirt preaching peace.
                 I was working at a head shop at the time and when I got there there was a line. Everyone wanted whip-its. If you're not keen on drug lingo, whip-its are tiny nitrice oxide charges that, when inhaled from a balloon, cause changes in your visual and physical perception. Apparently someone had discovered that if you did nitrice and watched the images they were showing, and would seemingly never stop showing, you could watch the glass roll like water. I sold over 30 boxes of them that day, and everyone brought me closer and closer to the brink. And then they fell. 3000 miles away people were dying and we stood; my co-worker, the staff from the bar next door, and a handful of customers, and we watched. The firefighters, doing their shopping across the street, were surrounded by other customers in the parking lot. We got word they were trying to get information out of them about what was really going on, but it was a good day and a half before any credible information came out, and not a bit of it was good news.
In those hours, between waking and finally getting home, all I wanted was my husband to be with me, to know that no matter what madness was going on in the world, I had him. And then I would think of the wives whose husbands worked THERE, the wives who would not come home that night, the mothers and fathers who were gone.
                  It wasn't until that night that the initial shock wore off and I could see that those bits of building falling were actually people, that those grey shapes moving away from the building were not part of the smoke, but yet more people running for their lives.
I had friends in the city, and all were safe. Ashley had had the day off after switching with a friend and so she wasn't at the Starbucks down the street from the towers that day, but watching at home like the rest of us. Blake had had the sense to leave work early after the first plane hit, leaving his 103 floor office in the second tower and finding himself half way home when he watched the second plane make its approach.
In the time that followed everyone was afraid. My mother in law urged us not to go to Disneyland because they might do something there, not to fly the following april as even the armed guards that lined the airport halls might not save us. But my husband and I agreed on this; We would not be afraid. They had taken that day to scare the world, to fill us with terror and while there will always be a great weight in my heart for those I watched die that day, they will not win. I had many choice words on the sudden burst of pseudo patriotism, on the way the Administration was using the loss of life to fuel their agenda, and the strange way the buildings fell, but on this day I think only of those who are not here, and those whose hearts are hallow in their absence.
Be you Democrat, Republican, or disenfranchised third party; You are an American, and that day we were as one. Let us grab hold of that feeling, that knowledge that we are all brothers and sister and cousins and never forget that lesson. Let their terror fill us with love and understanding for each other. Let us have peace.

To Boldly Go

In September, 1966 a show aired that would change the face of television and , eventually, the face of technological advancements world wide. Seems a bit far reaching for a campy sci-fi show, I know, but Star Trek , with is cardboard computers and strange aliens would open doors some didn't even know where there to open.

In a tumultuous time, when our streets and newspapers were full of hate and war, Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, envisioned a future where our greatest enemies were far away in space. A future in which the people of this world had overcome their trivial biases, cleaned up our planet and moved forward in the intellectual pursuit of space exploration.  The crew of the Enterprise, while surely facing their share of alien foes, were one people, only human.  The first on screen bi racial kiss happened on the decks of the Enterprise.  A multi racial cast, where in the issue of race came up only through the eyes of the alien crew member Spock, who was ever pointing out the "flaws" of being human, gave inspiration to all Americans, not just the white male ones.

While avoiding the racial issues among their own crew, those on  board faced bigotry as it was through the galaxies,  pointing out the pointlessness of it all through characters with even less reason to hate each other.  A lot of people will only ever see a silly t.v show, but for those of us who really know, Star Trek has long been a stunning example for us all to follow.

Years after the original series had stopped bringing new episodes, as it still did remain on television, a new vision came forth. Into the even more distant future and holding onto the original ideals of the first series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, brought yet more hope.

Not only would humans create a peaceful society, they would bring that peace to even the most volitile of planets.  The Federation of Planets, like some stellar U.N., would help to bring waring planets together, they would banish those that wished harm on lesser beings, women would not only serve on ships, but captain them, they would instill faith and trust into even their youngest crew members because in this world anything is possible. In this future the blind can see and even a man made of latex and wire can feel and love. 

Every time I pick up my cell phone, I see a tricorder and communicator in one.  When I hear of advancements in invisibility technology, I think of those damn Romulans. Gene Roddenberry has returned to the stardust from whence he came, but he has left behind him a golden trail of inspiration. 

Star Trek has inspired the imagination of children, Scientists, engineers and developers and it is my greatest hope that it will continue to do so.

Perhaps if we could get politicians to be likewise inspired we might have hope, hope for a future in which we do boldly go, to seek out new worlds and new civilizations. Live long, and prosper. 

Zen and the art of surviving Motor Vehicle Madness

I was all decked out, sparkly jewelry in place, birthday gift at my side, cruising along the 118 minding my own business.  The road seemed especially bumpy, which wasn't far from the norm on the 118, which has always been a rather bumpy ride. So, I changed lanes to see if the fast lane was any better, but no it wasn't.  About ten seconds after I changed lanes I felt a KABLAMO on my rear end, I looked back there and there was a strip of something flying behind me, my car swerved, rocked on two wheels and really tried to get away like a bucking horse. FYI, apparently 80 IS a little fast.

 Now, I have been in accidents in the past and normally my heart explodes into my throat and my body buzzes with adrenalin. Oddly, that didn't happen.

In the past two years or so I have been working with myself to be more Zen about life. Instead of trying to control every detail and getting all stressed when things don't go as I think they should, I have recently been breathing deeply and moving on. After all, there really is very little we CAN control and the number one thing on that short list is how we react to the world around us. So, as I regained control of my car, flipped on my hazards and moved slowly across the five lanes, I was at once irritated I would likely be missing the party I was all dressed up for, considering what I was going to be doing in the next half hour ( mainly changing a tire and standing on the side of the freeway) , and proud of myself for regaining control of the car and NOT flipping over.

Seeing the mass damage my fucked up tire caused  in the blow out would normally have sent me into a panic, but my new found view let me breath deep and move right along. 

Nothing I can do about the bent metal at the moment.  Once I checked out the damage I called out to my support team, namely my husband  (who really couldn't do anything since I had our only car) and my brother.  Just as I was trying to remember  what the man at the dealership had told me about where my spare was four years ago, a man in a bright yellow vest appeared.  My first thought was that it was Cal Trans and I was busted for littering  the freeway with the broken pieces of my tire, but no, he was a member of an elite force of people with trucks whose job it is to rescue stranded people with busted ass tires.

  I had never heard of the Metro Freeway Patrol, a free ( sigh of relief) service that drives up and down the freeway helping stranded motorists. I informed him my brother was on the way, but he went straight to work helping me figuring out where the spare was, and  getting right down to business changing the tire. Being the kind of woman who likes to do for herself, I offered to help with the tire change a few time, even considering my nicer clothes, but he would have none of it. He finished up just as my brother arrived to be my safety escort home. 

I am still very proud of how calm I remained during the whole debacle, and how calm I still am considering the fact that I will likely be out a car until I win or inherit a large sum of money.

While I am not a religious person, the Zen philosophy of letting go that which we cannot control has given me a new, calmer, view on life. You should try it, it's pretty super. 

The Olympics, Curiosity and what it means to be human

My first real memory of the Olympics was watching the torch run past me. I didnt understand it really, other than the fact it had come very far and that it all had something to do with M&M's . Years later I would reach back into my own memory and be touched by the fact that I had seen with my own eyes a symbol of the games. As I grew and learned more about what the games represented, or what they should represent anyway, I loved them more and more. 

The idea that all the peoples of Earth could join together in weeks of sport, that representatives from warring nations could compete side by side in peace, it gave me hope. Heck, it still gives me hope today! This year, yet another Olympic mile stone was passed. For the first time in Olympic history there was a woman competing from every nation. In a time when it seems that even in this country the rights of woman are in retrograde, there walked in pony tails, head scarves and full of pride the woman of the world. And of course I cried like a wee baba. Some of these woman faced death threats, taunts of "Prostitute"  or "Whore", but still they walked with strength and pride giving hope to some little girl, who maybe doesn't understand the Olympics yet but will one day look back and know she was there!

Still riding the emotional wave of the games, I was also getting amped for the latest endeavor from our good friends at NASA. Being an avid fan of not only science fiction, but also of science fact, I have had my ear on this as long as they have been planning it. I jumped at the chance to send my kids names up with the rover in October of last year, and was totally bummed when the launce was delayed. But then it was happening, really and truly. I dragged the kids along with me to a seminar on the rover itself and the upcoming launce where we got to put hands on the material that would be used to land the rover and let me tell you, if you think it looked flimsy on film I am still amazed that stuff worked!  Then, when the time came, I sat in a dark, sleepy house on my lonesome and waited.  If this mission failed it would be a huge disappointment and a waste of ten years of hard work from NASA and JPL. And if it worked...

I had begun to doze when cheers of joy filled my head phones and the simple black and white image showed up on my monitor. I may as well have been there myself, I jumped up, clapped my hands, and cried . We, the human race, had done it again. We had reached out into the stars and succeeded.  

This past month I have been renewed with hope for this human race. While the world seems on the verge of erupting into some crazy socioeconomic cluster fuck there are still those striving ever to improve what we are, who we are, and what it means to be human.  We are strong, we challenge ourselves to be better, faster, stronger, to move forward and explore the unexplored, to learn more everyday and to understand ourselves  and this beautiful planet better than we did yesterday.

Can we overcome our differences?  Can we be strong despite our weaknesses? Can we work as one to achieve the greatness humanity has the potential for? I have hope that the answer is yes. As long as there are those risking it all to be the first  we have hope.